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As is “snuggling naked while watching Netflix” and an offer to “play you like a guitar.” Out of all the Uptown guys I met -- there were nine of them -- each of them came back with a cheeky, smooth response that made them more appealing than those before them.

Who knows whether it’s those historic high-rises or the charm of bros having their lives together that gives them their edge, but either way, they had it. Grabbing a slice at Tony’s in Bushwick, checking out an artsy dance performance, devouring tacos from a food truck, and playing a game of mini golf at the Bushwick Country Club, provided you have a nice callipygian physique. No woman wants to do all the work, so have an idea off-hand.

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Tinder is great for two things: 1) finding people to hook up with, and 2) finding people to not hook up with, because they live in Queens, and you are shortsighted/hate amazing pizza.

Also: learning fascinating things about the masses of humanity desperately thumbing their way through it.

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