Reasons I said to her where the first time I ever said them out loud, I think I never even had them clearly formulated in my head.
When she left with her things, I broke down on the floor of our place, but I couldn’t cry anymore.
We had our first major fight a year into our relationship, it essentially boiled down that I wanted more in the bedroom and she thought I was too demanding and I wanted to hit clubs too much on weekend while she wanted to stay in. At that point we have already become each others best friends.
But at the time, I felt happy to be IN a relationship.
We never argued, never insulted or hurt each other intentionally.
Then this cycle would repeat like that for the rest of the weekend... When I saw her again several times later I had an urge to apologize again, but I felt it would come out condescending more than anything.
I also told her that I'm guilty before her family - but these are just words, they can't turn back time or pain...
Any feeling of doubt I had, I would suppress and would not consider breaking off.
Now I realize that subconsciously I was partly afraid of being alone again and partly thinking that by not breaking up I was avoiding “grass is greener on the other side” trap. We made up very quickly though, and agreed to compromise.With my girl we would do everything together: shopping, dining etc – all other couples were so envious of us and always commented on how well we where together. I felt that it was time to make the next step, but I didn’t want to.I couldn’t understand why – she was perfect for me – but I was never completely happy.My family just now are beginning to be ok with us not getting married. I assume that you hid those feelings bottled up for a long time, and that you prefer to have them hidden there since you're too afraid to free yourself from her and live life alone. Although she might not accept it, she deserves to hear it from you. I have apologized to my ex several times in person during the last weekend we've spent together.My friends tell me not to make the same mistake with the next girl, but I’m afraid that maybe I don’t know how. Nonetheless, congratulations on liberating yourself from the agony. We would cry and then spend several hours talking like nothing happened until we realize that we are spending last hours together in our apartment.I just froze in some kind of paralyzing fear afraid to utter any word that can either promise too much or destroy what we had. To make long story short, after living together year and a half I again realized that it was time to propose. Every morning I woke up in fear and yet again I was feeling that breaking up would be the stupidest thing to do on my part.