Shortly after I began to block the ads, Facebook demanded to know (in bold letters, no less): “What is your relationship status? I ignored that demand; still, the corporate gods were undeterred by my efforts to excise their moneymakers. And like the serpent in the gardens of Eden, the English usage be damned.) Sensing they had me with the shepherd’s crook, I was immersed in ads for Christian Mingle: “Want a faithful woman? At least one site puts all of its cards on the table: “Ugly Females Inside? “Browse Faithful Singles in Your Area with Senior People Meet.” Pretty straightforward, but what struck me about this particular ad was that the model in the accompanying picture was a fairly recognizable porn star. Purloined pictures of famous porn stars are just one more reason I remain dubious about these sidebar ads; so much so that I read the headline, “Oodles of Dating Replies” as, “Oodles of Dating Reptiles”.As if to gently woo me back, Facebook cheerfully implored: “Give Online Dating a Try ~ Even in the gardens of Eden man couldn’t live alone! ~ Christian Girls are online and waiting to meet with like-minded guys on Christian Mingle.” I’ll note that the thumbnail which went along with this ad was of a bountiful young blond in a blue thong bikini. Occasionally, Facebook will throw something completely different into the mix, like ads for dental insurance (important if you’re dating a woman who remembers voting for Truman) or the one for Synthetic Western Saddles.
For me, they come with the not-so-subtle message that being single is somehow a character flaw. As someone once said, this ain’t my first time at the rodeo. Like the one I got a few seconds ago which reads: “I’m great in the Saddle!
That I can only be happy if I allow advertisers to orchestrate my social life. ~ Find women with a horse and country lifestyle at Find Horse Lovers.
And by business, I mean my inveterate bachelorhood.
What tipped me off was the steady stream of dating site ads which appeared every time I logged on.
Then too, I am friends with a number of burlesque stars. Aside from the burlesque stars, I suppose the trigger for these ads could be that I am dating myself every time I reference Donna Reed or Dobie Gillis.
Or maybe it was that online argument I had concerning the dating of the Dead Sea Scrolls.
Regardless, I’ve been inundated (oops, I just inadvertently typed the key word “date”) with personal ads, and it seems they are going from the ridiculous to the indecorous. According to one ubiquitous ad for Match.com, 1 in 5 relationships start online.
Match doesn’t say how many of those relationships end with either a restraining order or a bunny being boiled.
I’m not sure why anyone in social media thinks I need help in this department. Besides, I grew up with Herb Alpert’s music, The Dating Game and Love, American Style, so trust me – I’m fine.
My editor guessed such an onslaught of ads would occur if I’d been frequenting dating sites.
If it's a print-only ad, avoid overselling your appearance with dubious claims like "Sharon Stone look-alike." I started my magazine personal with: "Curvy, almond-eyed writer, fit (good shoulders).